Falsche Christen, falsche Väter

Es gibt da so einen Typen, den Josh Duggar. Mitglied des konservativen und so ziemlich „christlichen“ „Family Research Council“. Relevant ist es gerade, weil Josh Duggar als wichtiges Tier im FRC so gut wie alle republikanischen Präsidentschaftskandidaten unterstützt.

Es ist rausgekommen, dass er – zwar als Jugendlicher – in einigen Fällen Mädchen sexuell missbraucht hatte, darunter eigene Geschwister. Und nun predigt er in Gottesdiensten davon, dass die sexuelle Reinheit bis zur Ehe das grösste Geschenk Gottes sei. Das es zu schützen gelte. Und benutzt dabei Parabeln wie ein Topf, in welchem jeder Gottesdienstbesucher reinspuckt. Würdest du aus diesem Topf trinken? Würdest du mit einer Frau schlafen, die ihre „Reinheit“ nicht mehr besitzt?

Gleichzeitig aber werden die Opfer nie eine Anzeige stellen. Der Täter fiel einer Schwäche anheim, und das ist ihm zu verzeihen. Und dann der familiäre Zusammenhalt, den es unbedingt zu wahren gilt. Eine Anzeige zerstört sowas doch nur, also halte ich lieber die Klappe und bleibe ein guter Christ.

Nun, Jim nannte eine Zahl. Einer der amerikanischen Freunde, die ich habe.

„The average age of a victim reporting child molestation/abuse is … wait for it … 36.“

Daraufhin konnte ich nichts anderes, als zu antworten. Warum es so lange dauert. Gibt auch eine persönliche Geschichte.

Pardon my English, and please bear with me.


1st relationship: You hope your scars won’t be noticed anymore by yourself and never by your partner. Problems, a lot of, will crop up as soon as you want to play certain things in your bed.

2nd relationship: You’re sure that you’ll find a understanding partner that time. Somebody who doesn’t mind giving you lots of time to heal these wounds. There’s the risk of deceiving yourself or he’s deceiving himself while promising to be patient.

And these relationships will be LONG because… you’ve been hurt and you don’t want to hurt your partner by telling the truth. They expect something from a partner – that’s normal. Depending on these expectations, these revelations will prove to be relationship-ending.

And so they end up with half their lives gone with unhappy relationships. And then they will find they have to sort of hate the perpetrator in order to achieve some peace of mind, which is un-Christian.

I’ve through this myself. Not in a sexual way, but it was a major parenting failure. Darth Father tells me to take high school more earnest, to study more and harder, and not to take it leisurely. (It wasn’t about seeking „leisure“, Pa.) He told me I would fail university.

And then I set out to prove him wrong. Did the BSc and MSc in regular time, despite my severe hearing disability. And then… no recognition whatsoever. Only a handshake. „Congratulations.“ No making up for his previous distrust.

Getting the MSc was not the time of joy, but it was the time I really broke inside and didn’t want to excel any more. Then I bumbled along into the future. I the last years I found out that I had to be angry at my father in order to do my research work. As it’s my life, I have to set priorities straight. During the last talk with my dear and lovely father he told I’m not thankful enough for the support he gave me. That talk was 11 years ago.

Plus, I have a older brother who has never committed to a clear stance about this father-son thing, as he was always father’s darling. Yes, and it’s sad that I can’t regard that brother as what he’d like to be, a brother. He’s a stranger to me because of that. I know it’s wrong and it should be better. But the onus on giving me a clear answer rests on him, as this can surely be expected from somebody you want to trust. After all, he would profit from that trust I want to give him.

Putting a long story short: I don’t want to imagine how it will feel for those that have been through much worse things. You, as a parent, as a family member, you are responsible for the proverbial hell of somebody else. Don’t hold up certain values, may they be „Christian“, „You must love your parents“, or whatever they are, when they just serve as a façade to your shortcomings.